Welcome to Moments of Pause, a weekly catalogue of whatever’s been needling you: a list of all the things so odd/pertinent/funny/serious/catchy/confusing that you just had to rip up your Powerball ticket and dial 1-800-CASH-NOW. For our 3rd edition of the year here is a collage of the very important things that stuck in our illustrious contributors’ brains this past week, those shiver-inducing gag-reflexive oh-so-edifying moments of pause that define life (OR IS IT) in the 21st Century.
1. THIS GUY’S IN LOVE WITH YOU – Alex Cheng
Quick and easy way to tell if I’m romantically interested in you: if you see me once or twice every week, let’s say for class or platonic lunch or dinner or coffee, and every time you see me I’m freshly showered - every time - that’s not just chance. I hate to break it to you, but I don’t shower every day - nor on the same days every week. (You haven’t just been catching me on Shower Wednesday.) The truth is, I’m putting in effort to look and smell presentable for you, a titanic effort, almost more than my feeble will can handle, so please appreciate it a little before you gently turn me down. “Sorry, I’m busy Thursday night, I can’t go to Taco Bell with you.” Well, I’ll just try the new Crunchwrap Sliders on my own, then.
2. A Worthy Winner – Loralee Sepsey
The other night, Leonardo DiCaprio gave this speech after winning the Golden Globe for Best Actor in The Revenant. I watched the movie this weekend and while I didn’t think it was revolutionary in its depiction of indigenous people, I do believe it took a monumental step away from the red-faced savagery of the Cowboys and Indians era. Props to you, Leo, for acknowledging the sovereignty and the resilience of indigenous people across the world.
3. Say a Prayer for This Little House on the Prairie – Justine Beed
At 5′ 10″ and of the ungainly elbow disposition, is it reckless for me to invest in a tiny house? For I would very much like for my kitchen cupboards to be nested in my staircase and to hence establish myself as a member of the “quirkily” nomadic millennial elite.
4. CELL-U-LARS – Alejandra Salazar
I’ve been getting all kinds of messages from the universe lately that I might have a slight case of separation anxiety from my shiny new iPhone. Erykah Badu’s over here saying hello and insisting I put my phone down. Aziz Ansari’s Modern Romance — a hilarious, nuanced 250-page opus on exactly that — provided some pretty compelling numbers that show I spend way more time thinking about calling or texting people than actually talking to them. A recent viewing of Ex Machina has me questioning if too much of my life is on this thing (or why Siri sometimes just… pops up on the screen without so much as a warning) (but that concern is something else entirely).
Still, I just got a new ringtone that’s pretty *fire emoji*. So maybe it’s just too late for me now.
5. Putting the “Real” in Reality TV – Katie Nesser
Winter break gave me a lot of time to catch up — not with old friends or work, but with TV. In a remarkable show of self-restraint, I only watched two shows: the immaculate Jane the Virgin, and Nathan For You, a show that has given me an equal number of hysterical outbursts of laughter and sobering moments of pause. Comedian Nathan Fielder, who graduated from business school with “really good grades,” visits small businesses and gives them bizarre advice, which he pursues with a considerable budget and a persona with seemingly no social intelligence. What sounds like a mean-spirited prank show contains these sublime moments of unfiltered truth. When the camera’s on, people will agree to almost anything. If Nathan For You wasn’t on Comedy Central, it’d be considered performance art.
6. The Whole Truth, Nothing but the Truth – Matthew Libby
Raise your hand if you’ve been watching Making a Murderer on Netflix and you’ve had a burning desire to throw multiple bowling balls through drywall ever since to vent your anger at the pitfalls of our justice system.
*raises hand*
7. I DON’T LIKE IT – Sophia Laurenzi
Being back at Stanford, surrounded by hundreds of people who are far more intelligent and accomplished than I am, I’m reminded that I really think I know it all. I don’t trust your reasons for joining a consulting club and start-up internship and taking twenty-two units. If you’re that person, I don’t trust you. I just met someone who wants to make art and travel-he loves doing those things over the summers, but for ~life~? “I don’t have the guts!” Sorry to put it this way, but…get the guts. If your life isn’t about being happy, you’re doing it wrong. And I must be right.
8. Dust Off Your Walkman Like It’s 1989 – Anthony Milki
Dev Hynes, a.k.a. Blood Orange, teamed up with once-massive but unfortunately long, long M.I.A. Nelly Furtado at the Apollo Theater a few weeks back to perform several tracks (including a “Say It Right” and “Another Day In Paradise” mashup). Allegedly, they were giving out cassette tapes debuting a collaborative track called “Hadron Collider”, but only those at the show were able to cop. That track has now made its way onto the internet, and it’s really, really good. Listen here, let it take over your week.
9. (O)pedi(p)al Complex – Eric Eich
SEVERED FOOT SHUTS DOWN BERKELEY BART.
I think this speaks for itself… LIKE WHAT???
10. Bundy Erotic Fan Fic – Bojan Srb, Editor in Chief
Ah, Bundy and white supremacy.
In light of the shitstorm stirring up in Oregon, gay Twitter has once again come through with incredible content.
"Jason pressed Jed against a rack of "Birds of Oregon" books; his breath was sweet with jerky. Somewhere, an egret cried" #bundyeroticfanfic
— colin meloy (@colinmeloy) January 6, 2016
For more, rile up your pleated khakis here.
11. Congealed Joys – Nikki Tran
The highlight of my winter break was getting my wisdom tooth removed (just one). I am no masochist. In fact, my extraction went smashingly (as in my dental surgeon had to smash my tooth into tiny little shards) and in the following days, my diet consisted exclusively of Red 40 Jell-o. I still got those jiggly beauties on my mind-in particular, Jell-o salad. I stumbled on this corner of cyberspace quite by accident and became mesmerized by their soft, but firm nature (can you blame me?). Who says you can’t mix the savory flavors of walnuts, mackerel, and chicken? It’s a salad, a dessert, and an entrée (AND GLUTEN-FREE) all wrapped up in one nice Bundt shape. What more can you ask for?
Arrillaga, take note!
('18, English) is a writer from Orange County, California.
(‘16, English, Editor-in-Chief) learned most of his English from Cartoon Network. What Bojan cares about: Freud, cities, gazpacho, and you.
(‘16, Community & Events Manager) is an overripe Georgia peach with an Internet addiction. See more at http://www.ericeich.com.
('17, Human Biology/Creative Writing) is from Palo Alto and listens to a lot of Kanye.
('17, Psychology, Performance Editor) likes spontaneous dance parties and drawers full of snacks. She's (proudly) from New Jersey and loves California but misses the pizza.
(‘17, Symbolic Systems, Film & TV Editor) is from Los Angeles, California. He does theater and writes screenplays, and if you ever need someone who knows a weird amount of Academy Awards trivia, he’s your guy.
('18, Art History, Editor-in-Chief) is a cautionary tale from Texas. She loves true crime, sweet tea, and Candy Crush Saga.
(‘17, Communication, Music Editor) is a contributor from San Antonio, TX. She believes in making playlists for every occasion and chronically overthinks everything.
(‘17, Anthropology/Creative Writing, Multimedia Editor) is a hopeless wanderer hailing from Moscow, Windhoek, Maryland, Mexico City, Asunción, Tokyo, Cairo, and now Palo Alto, California. She loves good movies and music. Writing and film is her thing, but dammit she can’t sing.
('18, English) is from Costa Mesa, California (in the OC, but not the snobby OC, she swears). Most of the time, you can find Loralee in her dorm room crying over television shows.
