April Showers, But We Still Dirty: Moments of Pause VII

 

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Welcome to Moments of Pause, a monthly catalogue of whatever’s been needling you: a list of all the things so odd/pertinent/funny/serious/catchy/confusing that you just had to bring an end to bathing and all other practices of personal hygiene, save for the occasional mist when you passed by a fountain. The winds of freedom blow! For our 7th edition of the year here is a collage of the very important things that stuck in our illustrious contributors’ brains this past month, those shiver-inducing gag-reflexive oh-so-edifying moments of pause that define life (OR IS IT) in the 21st Century.

1. Asking for a Friend – Amy Chen

“Is that because of white privilege or do they just have a shitty personality?”

2. Paradise – Madelyne Xiao

All the lovely gone ones playing the great gig in the sky: there’s a hoppin’ party in heaven (or whatever you believe in) under way.

3. Swiper, No Swiping! – Emily Kob

If I’ve learned anything from Tinder, it’s that men claim to really like exercise. It must harken back to something primitive – hunting bison, lifting rocks, loincloth Zumba. Sure, I like gathering nuts and berries as much as the next cave-girl, but you’d never catch that in my bio. (Where would it fit alongside: “Easy, breezy, beautiful on the inside. 420 friendly”??) Anyway, I know I’m beyond late to this party; I can’t say anything new about Tinder or fitness or cave-people or love. The only thing I can say is that yesterday I swiped right on the profile of a crime fighting, cartoon duck and we didn’t match. And that I joined Tinder to distract myself from a boy, but I’m still half-hunting for his lanky Sim body in the blurry mirror pics of every shirtless guy up to 90 miles away (I cast my net wide.) Alas. I’ll just keep swiping until I find the next dude with a factory-setting frame to nibble on the other end of my Nerds Rope, wake me up with a chilled Dr. Pepper, and take me to Taco Bell for some Beefy Crunchwrap Sliders — hold the lettuce.

4. Let the Future Historians Wonder –  Analyssa Lopez

How do people decide that a musical (or a movie or a book or anything, really) is going to become a huge hit? And how to deal when you find yourself on the outside of that craze? The facts are these: I know every word to the Hamilton soundtrack. I saw Hamilton on Broadway. I cried through the entire first act and part of the second. But I hated the musical I was watching onstage. I cringed, I shrugged, I scoffed. Did I fall on the wrong side of history? Should I have tried harder? Where did it all go wrong?

Contributor’s note: This MoP does not reflect the views of the Stanford Arts Review. Please direct all hate mail to alopez7 [at] stanford [dot] edu

5. Saucy – Nicole Phillips

Being openly judged by Italians for wearing shorts…in April…in 80 degree heat. Fuck bella figura.

6. Confessions of a Cyber Creep – Nikki Tran

Give me a person’s name, and I will find a way to trace their digital footprint, unearthing things that should been set to private, or at least forgotten: a defunct dessert blog, a Facebook note titled “25 Questions,” a semi-secret Twitter page. For me, there is no greater buzz than going to the farthest corners of the Internet (e.g. page 35 of a Google search) and discovering a diamond in the rough (e.g. a Tumblr post tagged #personal), buried beneath mounds and mounds of webpages. Yet, when the wi-fi goes down and all I’m left with are these cyber crumbs, I stare at the error page—which reads, quite knowingly, “UNABLE TO CONNECT”—and have a sobering moment. How did I get here? What am I doing? Why did I just spend my entire morning flipping through the mobile uploads of a person who has never spoken to me (and probably never will)?

My friends have dubbed me “NSA.” Yes, maybe, my behavior is little bit obsessive. But who among us has not gone through a stranger’s Instagram and fear that we’ll unwittingly double-tap a photo of theirs? Still, the more pressing question: can I list this skill on my LinkedIn profile?

Image from here

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