Percentage of critics under the influence: 100

Percentage of critics that had heard of D’Angelo during last week’s review of ‘Voodoo’, which spurred this author to choose a more mainstream album: 50

Years ago that ‘Late Registration’ came out: 7.5

Minutes into discussion before we hear Bernie Mac‘s (RIP) voice on the intro: 6

Time into first song, ‘Heard ‘Em Say’, that it takes a critic to say “this sounds like Kanye!, in seconds: 5

Time after that exclamation that she asks, “Wait, is this Kanye?”, in seconds: 2

Times that this author had mentioned this was a Kanye West album: 4

Position on the Billboard charts at which this album debuted: 1

Number of worldwide sales to date, in millions: 3.5

Grammy nominations and awards garnered by this album: 8, 3

Posters of Kanye West on the wall of this author’s room, where the review is taking place: 8

Percentage of critics who have never heard of the album: 50

Percentage of these ill-informed critics who are from Kanye’s hometown of Chicago, Illinois: 50

Jaws dropped after learning of last two facts: 2

Entire verses of ‘Gold Digger‘ rapped word for word by an unexpected critic: 3

Times that the quietest critic has heard the unedited version of ‘Golddigger’: 0

Number of critics who could identify Paul Wall and GLC on ‘Drive Slow’: 0

Years since Common, featured on ‘My Way Home’, has put out anything good: 6

Words uttered by critics during ‘Crack Music‘s’ fiery spoken word outro, performed by Malik Yusef: 0

Critics deeply insulted after another critic wishes we could have been in college in 2005 so that Kanye instead of Macklemore would have come to campus: 1

Time that goes by before she pushes the issue and claims that Macklemore is one of the best rappers out right now, in minutes: 7

Position, out of 23, that a critic realizes he is on his fraternity’s pledge point leaderboard: 23, lamentably

Number of critics’ dogs named after Brandi, featured on ‘Bring Me Down’: 1

Critics who recognized the anxious, dissonant Etta James sample on ‘Addiction’: 2

Acknowledging chuckles after Jay-Z’s line, “I’m not a businessman, I’m a business, man!”: 5

Time spent discussing marketability versus talent and the emerging hip hop meritocracy, in minutes: 9

Times a new critic says “guys” after bursting into the room: 13

Number of critics who immediately question the sobriety of said critic, correctly: 3

Times said critic follows her series of “guys” with the word “listen”: 6

Time elapsed before another reviewer says more than a sentence in the midst of her important story, in minutes: 5.5

Number of kick boxing moves she demonstrates while telling said story: 4

Time after new critic’s entrance that this author realizes the focus has been lost from Kanye West’s album, in minutes: 20

Tracks left unreviewed: 4

Number of those tracks that are this author’s favorite song of all time: 1