Welcome to Moments of Pause, a weekly catalogue of whatever’s been needling you: a list of all the things so odd/pertinent/funny/serious/catchy/confusing that you just had to take off your Lyrca leggings and let it all hang loose. For our 4th edition of the year here is a collage of the very important things that stuck in our illustrious contributors’ brains this past week, those shiver-inducing gag-reflexive oh-so-edifying moments of pause that define life (OR IS IT) in the 21st Century. Valentine’s Day is not until next month, but being the overachieving herf of nerds that you all are, grab a tub of ice cream and an anatacid because this week’s roundup will certainly make your heart go lub dub dub.
1. A Love Letter – Loralee Sepsey
Suck my ass.
2. It’s Raining Cats & Boys – Cissy Shi
You know when California’s dry it’s in a drought? Well, last week the sky tore apart and the bucket of water poured from the sky without an end in sight. Similar to this California weather there never seems to be an official bae in my friends’ lives but when the winter quarter hit, people are considering their options in hopes of grasping a winter bae to cuddle with for this wet and cold quarter.
3. Soylent Sacrifice – Julia Espero
If you’re a fan of trendy drinks in #aesthetic packaging, you can now enjoy your fermented-boxed-black-water with Soylent. If your friends aren’t already doing the Soylent challenge, you can be the #earlyadopter of your #squad by drinking and eating nothing but Soylent for an entire 30 days. The Soylent challenge does come with a price tag; $408 a month—or $348 if you subscribe to have Soylent delivered to you monthly. That’s about five bottles a day for an entire month. No food; nothing else except for water.
Soylent challenge? More like Soylent sacrifice.
For some people, the price tag and the sacrifice is nothing in comparison to the feeling of foraging a path for mankind to also adopt this nearly tasteless, nutritionally packed, milky white substance. Personally I’d like to try Soylent, even though it sounds much like something that already exists. Also, I would expect it to give me x-ray vision and two times the mental capacity for $348 a month. That’s roughly a ticket to Coachella. You know things are getting pricey when Coachella passes become your unit of measurement. While you could be drinking nothing but Soylent for a year, you could also buy 12 years of Coachella passes instead. Think about that.
4. Essentials – Sophia Laurenzi
It’s Week 3 and my room is finally unpacked and organized; desk drawers separated into “paperwork,” “supplies,” “food and drink,” and…”sex and tech.” Condoms and birth control meet headphones, chargers, and external hard drive. Like the Bible and Book of Mormon drawer pairing at all Marriott hotels, but better and ready for this modern age.
5. Love, INC – Bojan Srb, Editor-in-Chief
When Tinder first came onto the scene, it was celebrated as a startup that was going to revolutionize the way we date–at which, to a certain extent, it’s been successful. Soon thereafter, it was revealed that Tinder was in fact the in-house project of InterActiveCorp or IAC, the Internet and media company that developed Match.com and OKCupid–Tinder’s most popular predecessors. As of now, with the exceptions of Grindr, Bumble, and (woe is me) Zoosk, IAC single-handedly controls something like 90% of technologically enabled romance.
6. Exercise Your Voting Rights – AnonymousMeyer Green (MeGre?), that annoying loop in the way of your franatic bike ride to your morning HumBio lecture, for which you are late, seems to be the 7th circle of hell, the circle of death to end all circles of death. I propose a vote: can pedestrians and bikers coexist within the inner ring or should those speed demons keep out? Like for YES, comment for NO.
7. Let’s Get Physical – Madelyne Xiao
At the gym: I’m bowled over by the excess implicit in exercise–I’ve got the salt & water to spare. (‘When I was your age,’ I imagine my farmer great-grandparents saying–‘when I was your age, living was all the exercise a person needed.’) Excess, excess: o sweet refrain of my labored breathing, as I tell myself that there’s no such thing as natural un-athleticism. Once upon a less fooded time, living was exercise enough, and everyone was an athlete.
7. Sixth Sense – Brittany Newell
The frequency with which I stare at someone’s hand and hallucinate a sixth finger.
8. The Cycle Continues – Nikki Tran
Saturday night, in the pits of my dorm aka the laundry room, which has developed quite a stench if you ask me, I spent roughly four hours separating, washing, drying (on low), and folding my clothes. I AM that person who hogs all the machines. In my defense, I only do laundry every 3-4 weeks (yes, I do have that much clean underwear) and always run it with a full load. I go to these great lengths because I’ve had too many shirts and pants shrink and dyed in strange places. And yet this week, as I was reading the care tags on my clothing to find which ones I needed to airdry, a particular instruction on my new denim skirt caught my eye. It read: “MACHINE WASH COLD. HANG TO DRY. DO NOT WEAR WITH LIGHT COLORS.”
My life has gotten to the point where even my clothes tell me what to do, how to dress. I knew there was some caveat to this whole denim skirt comeback. Don’t trust everything you’re told.