Introducing Moments of Pause

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Life is weird. Welcome to Moments of Pause, a weekly catalogue of whatever’s been needling you: a list of all the things so odd/pertinent/funny/serious/catchy/confusing that you just had to plunk down your glass of 2% milk (putting your graphic tee at risk of spillage)  and exclaim TARNATION! For our debut, here is a collage of the very important things that stuck in our editors’ brains this past week, those shiver-inducing gag-reflexive oh-so-edifying moments of pause that define life (OR IS IT) in the 21st Century.

1. KIM NEEDS A TRIM – Eric, Visual Arts Editor

Ok, yeah, it’s time we stop publishing/looking at/scrutinizing celebs’ bikini pix. And there’s little doubt that Kim Kardashian has broken the Internet before. I should have known she would do it again. I am angry at myself for being so aghast. BUT COME. ON. WHERE DID KIM GET A FURKINI?!

2. HOLLYWOOD BEING RACIST – Matt, Film Editor

The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences is 94% white, 77% male, and 86% over the age of 50. And Paramount didn’t send out screeners of Selma to any major guilds to build momentum, despite it currently sitting at 99% on Rotten Tomatoes. The fact is, multiple parties messed up here, and Ava Duvernay and David Oyelowo never really had a chance to get nominated for Oscars for their work in Selma.

So fuck that noise.

3. PARISIAN PEENY HOLES – Katharine, Editor in Chief

Gone are the days when female models wore exposed breasts down the runway without any answer from their male counterparts (no pun intended). On Thursday, designer Rick Owens sent several of his models down the catwalk wearing clothes with penis peepholes. The Internet gave him a name: #dickowens.

4. WHEN PEOPLE SAY “DO WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY” – Max, Literature Editor

We love being told this by wealthy white people. We even pay them to do it. “I was a top neurologist for 45 years before I realized that what really made me happy was surfing, so when I turned 65 I got a place in Malibu and paddle out every day” Congratulations, you’ve invented retirement.

“I was a software engineer at google for a while, doing very well, had a big house, and then I realized what I really wanted to do was travel. So I sold my house, quit my job, have roved the world ever since.” Way to go, you’ve discovered being rich.

5. FROM WHENCE YOU COME – Bojan, Performance Editor

Feminine anatomy is fascinating and fucked up at the same time. The rise in progesterone makes women pimple-prone. A drop in estrogen causes mood changes, concentration problems, and migraines. Someone dubbed a section of the cycle (days 6 through 13) “the good days” because that’s the only time everything’s just peachy. Literally three out of four weeks of the month, women are either preparing for the period or coming down from it.

They get that and 70 cents on the dollar.

 

6. WORDS IS HARD – Alec, Music Editor

Etymology. The word “cappuccino” comes from the Capuchin monks, an offshoot of the Franciscans, whose light brown robes resemble the color of coffee+milk+foam. Capuchin monkeys are a New World species which also get their name from the monks, as they kinda look like they’re wearing cute little brown habits.This is similar to how both the bird and the color cardinal (and subsequently our football team name) derive from the scarlet ferraiolo worn by Catholic cardinals. We inadvertently monasticize an awful lot of things that innately possess the color that a bunch of friars decided to wear.

‘Monkey’ might look like it’s derived from ‘monk,’ but it’s not. No word on their feelings towards cappuccinos.

I don’t yet know what all this means.

7. WHAT INSPIRES PRIMAL ECSTASY? – Big Britt, Culture Editor

The sound of a horse farting. Go ye to the nearest pasture or Youtube video. Ah, sweet grass and tickly briar. Be free, old Butterscotch.

 

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