Welcome to Moments of Pause, a monthly catalogue of whatever’s been needling you: a list of all the things so odd/pertinent/funny/serious/catchy/confusing that you just had to ram a dolly into your toe to convince yourself that it’s real: school’s out. Bye Spring Quarter, don’t call us again! For our 9th edition and final edition of the year, here is a collage of the very important things that stuck in a handful of our contributors’ brains this past month, those shiver-inducing gag-reflexive oh-so-edifying moments of pause that define life (OR IS IT) in the 21st Century.
1. Not A Goodbye – Zane Hellmann
A friend told me at the beginning of the year that senior spring is when you should look for closure. To a large extent, I have failed at that task. There are relationships that I am confident will last long after graduation, and others that I am not so sure about. Yet, the close relationships from throughout my time here that I have let dissipate, whether it was because of my own bruised ego, their unwillingness to apologize, or my inability to make up for lost time, are what have weighed so heavily on me these last few weeks. I hope that graduation is not a finality—that I can perhaps reestablish or regain some form of peace in those relationships after I leave Stanford. Who is to say? After all, it takes two to tango, but only one to ask for a dance.
2. bye to fucking up this poem at collective spring show – Amy Chen
i tell yt boy i am sick of
him getting upset at me for getting upset at him and
he says my feelings are valid but that apparently
i did a shitty thing by not accepting his apology and
his fucking hug
and i say
but isn’t that what you’re doing right now, here,
upset in my doorway wasting my time for
an apology you don’t deserve
and he says okay but i don’t see it that way and
i say fine you don’t have to but i do which is a
silent way of saying “fuck your opinion” and/or
“your sense of entitlement” and/or
“the way your opinion burdens mine”
we just stand there
staring at each other
him saying he wants to talk and saying
nothing and me saying i’m sick of talking and entirely
on the other side of this door
wanting to shut it in his face and
isn’t this how it always is with these yt boys?
and he’s just fucking standing here like
i owe him an apology like for some reason this
could all be my fault like
i tried to ban opium or something
3. This Too Shant Pass – Sophia Laurenzi
This advice from one of my professors: “I know you don’t want to hear this or acknowledge it, but life will not be all happiness and peace. You will suffer. It’s up to you to develop your own philosophy for how to deal with that.” I’m working on it.
4. BYE H8ERS – Loralee Sepsey
This year, I’ve tried, time and time again, to offer kindness and acceptance and space to those who need it. I’ve offered these to those who have cried loud, piercing, slashing cries that have echoed across Stanford’s campus and have wounded the souls of those fighting for equity, peace, and justice. I’ve felt hurt, awake for hours wondering why people just can’t be nice to each other, worrying about the morality and the lives of those who obviously need some form of constructive community to teach them love. Now, week 10 of Spring Quarter 2016, I’ve realized that while I’ve been trying to take care of others, I forgot to take care of myself.
Peace out fam, I’m about to spend 16 weeks eating poutine, cuddling with cats, and spending quality time with my favorite person in the world. It’s gonna be sweet AF.
5. Summer Swoons – Ale Salazar
I try not to dwell on goodbyes to Stanford living — because for every great memory with great people, there are at least as many bad memories with bad people, as dictated by the Natural Law of College — by instead looking forward to my summertime plan of pure indulgence. I’ve alternated between the two in my head as a way to preserve my sanity this quarter. It’s pretty effective:
See you never, professor and/or job opportunity that never emailed me back.
— Helloooo, guilt-free Netflix with minimal social interaction.
Don’t call me again, drunk guy I met at that one party who can’t seem to pronounce my name right.
—You’re looking goooood, 12+ hours of new music I need to catch up on.
Good riddance, near-death experiences at the hand(le)s of these crazy on-campus bikers who totally have it out for me.
— HIT ME UP, I’M GETTING MYSELF A (temporary) CAR THIS SUMMER.
@Nine months of CAPS inefficiencies, cold coffee and the academic purgatory of “fulfilling WAYS requirements”: buuhhh-bye.
— Holy crap, I don’t have to set an alarm for the next three months.
HAGS and a little perspective, y’all. Much love.
6. The One Where We Rejoin Civilization – Anthony Milki
My roommate and I had a Joey and Chandler brief reminisce as we left our Oak Creek apartment for good (arms around each other, “what a year” said, etc.) – a great year, really nice to be back on campus.
7. Spinal Tap – Nikki Tran
So long to the sophomore slump and the back pain I’ve gotten from hauling around way too many books for my own good. Chiro adjustment videos are strangely satisfying when you are sore–is it kinesthetic empathy? Back cracking is the new pimple popping, mark my words. But take it from someone who has been there, done that: if your backpack is making you lose your balance as you walk down the staircase in the Math Corner, you need to stop carrying so much–figuratively and literally. Pack a little less, travel a little lighter.
8. Some Things Can’t Be Questioned – Brittany Newell
Give in to the snoot.